I love calling myself that. It feels pretty empowering. And this past week I think I sort of earned it.
The beginning of October is totally nuts for me. My birthday is Sept 30th, then comes my son's birthday, then the next day my youngest's birthday, then on the 10th of October is the anniversary I dread all year, the day my first baby girl was stillborn.
So here is what I accomplished this past week:
-attended family birthday party w/ all three kids in tow at a pizza buffet
-woke my son up on his birthday morning with a gift and a twinkie
-cooked homemade meal and made/decorated a cake for my son for that evening (he declared it the best meal EVER)
-woke my youngest up the next morning for her bday w/ gift and a twinkie
-tolerated dinner at my exes home for her birthday dinner that evening
-managed to find a last minute cake and party favors for my son's rollerskating party for Friday afternoon, hosted with no help from the Ex (but thank God for my mom)
-hosted a sleepover for son's two close friends after the party
-Somehow made it through the anniversary of my daughter's death Saturday by plenty of encouragment and love from Mr. Wonderful and support of great friends
-that evening hosted Youngest daughter's birthday party at a bouncehouse venue and then at ice cream shop (again w/ no help or even ATTENDANCE from the ex)
-Sunday got super ambitious and took all three kids to the State Fair, managed to stay on a pretty good budget and fun was still had by all.
Not too shabby for one person, right?
Things are looking a little rough again...I was denied for health insurance, my a/c is broken and going to cost a bundle to fix, money is so tight that I'm starting to seriously panic, and business is fairly slow considering it's usually my "rush" time of year. My father was also admitted to the hospital today from his rehab facility and I have no idea what is going on with that.
But as I told my friend today who was worried about me, I'm really just exhausted. Doing this all on my own is tough. Sometimes I just have moments where I need to throw a little temper tantrum and be mad at the world and declare the unfairness of my situation, just to get it out. I can't always be positive or Susie Sunshine. Then it's over and I can buckle down and figure it out, just like I always have. Sometimes I just seriously can't believe how hard life can be. But I know there are plenty of good things for me and I just need to fight for them. The fight will be tough but I'll gain more than those who never struggle. I have to believe that.