Saturday, July 25, 2009

Careful what you wish for

Sorry to have been MIA, we just got back from an amazing vacation with friends, and I've been trying to recoup.

So much has happened. Where do I begin?!

The weekend after I filed for divorce, I had a very sad weekend. It felt like the last stage of mourning, and a little bit of panic. A lot of "I'm going to be alone forever and what guy my age is going to want 3 instant kids with no chance of kids of his own blah blah blah blah".

I decided it was time to get out of that mindset and go do something I love. MUSIC.

Called up my music buddy and together we hit a Saturday night music showcase sponsored by a local newspaper. We walked in the door to the very first showcase, bought drinks, hadn't so much as taken a sip when we were approached by a very, very inebriated man. He pointed over to a group of guys and asked us to come and sit. We needed chairs, and the other guys seemed ok, so we said why not?

Before the music started we sipped our drinks and chatted with the other 5 or 6 non-inebriated guys. One of them seemed particularly smart and super cute, and we hit it off instantly. A couple of drinks later and we were arm in arm. He asked for my number, I got his. He promised to take me out (ya ya I've heard that before). I expected nothing.

The next day he texted me to say hello and what a great time he had. At that point my kids and I were already driving down to our vacation with friends. Once I was able to respond, he asked if I would still like to go out with him when we got back. Ummmm, ya!!

Again, I had no expectations. But along came messages with detailed plans of our date. 6pm, art museum. 8pm, dinner at an expensive restaurant. Home by midnight. NO ONE has ever done this for me. My husband, WHEN he planned dates, planned them based on food he liked or movies he wanted to see. Before him, movies with high school boyfriends. No one has ever planned a date based around what they knew about me (art museum because I am in an artistic career). No one has ever spoiled me, or treated me like a princess. And this is the first guy out of the gate!!!

So we continued to send each other silly little texts throughout my vacation, and then Thursday my ex picked up the kids at 5:30. My date "T" picked me up at 6.

He was even more gorgeous than I remembered. And even sweeter. He admitted to me that he had been nervous all day, because this was his first real date in years. I then confessed that he was my first real date in 13 years. We laughed and it broke the ice.

He let me pick the music from his Ipod. He opened my car doors. He asked about my children, and worked hard to memorize their names and ages. He complimented me at every opportunity. He was self-deprecating yet confident. He was smart and funny, and thought I was smart and funny. We held hands at the art museum, discussed the paintings, talked about all the places we have traveled, what our hopes and dreams for the future are, and he let me brag on my kids. I even took his picture and sent it to my friends for approval (the general response: "Rawr!")

Dinner was even better. He insisted on a different table when the one we got wasn't suitable for close conversation. I barely ate because I was so enthralled with him, his life, his closeness to his family, his amazing career, his eyes, his smile...

At one point I was filling him on the situation with my Dad. He asked how often I visit, and when I told him when I would be going next, he asked if he could come with me and wait for me, because "No one should have to go through that alone". *sigh*

The catch (and there is, oh, yes, a big one). He lives in AFGHANISTAN. Other side of the WORLD. He is a civilian working for the military and is only here for 2 weeks. He will return permanently in November. 4 months from now. However, I'm trying to think of this as a good thing. I don't want to get serious right now. His 4 month absence will give me the chance to finalize my divorce, date other people, and really think this through. It's vital for me to do those things, because this is the kind of guy I could get serious with.

Already we have planned a date for almost every day he has left in town (lucky for me, next week happens to be my ex's week-long time with the kids). He's going to the hospital with me Monday and then dinner. Tuesday we double date with one of my best friends. Wednesday we are going to a baseball game. Not sure yet about Friday but I'm sure there will be something.

It's just amazing what can happen when you just let go.


  1. WOWZA!!!!! Way to go, girl!!!!! Super exciting - he sounds beyond perfect!!!!! And I love your approach - 4 months to think and date other people - you really have a good head on your shoulders about this! Dang! Afganistan! Well, if he's there and he's a civilian contractor - he's making bookoo bucks that's for sure! Sounds like you have a LOT on your calendar - I hope you don't get too smitten with him these next 2 weeks so as to depress yourself with missing him when he leaves....

  2. Hey - I tried to treat you like a princess back in 1995! I didn't know you liked art then - you didn't have a career yet!

  3. Anonymous :) :) :)

    You are right, I totally slighted you. You are the only other one to have ever treated me like a princess!!! And thank you :)(and the girl who snags you is a lucky one)


  4. Anonymous again. I am thrilled for you. One door closes another one opens. You just have to get into the mindset that changes isn't always bad. Just different....very very different. I love you attitude about him being gone 4 months. Get out would be surprised at how detailed you will be on who you date and WHY. You have your priorities....what you need and want in a partner....and what you have to give as a partner.

    It is so totally different this time. You are in control. You go girl!! enjoy and have fun!!

  5. Yay for you! Glad you were treated like a princess. We all deserve that. :)

  6. There is life after divorce. The first guy I dated was 'ok', the second was a good guy and definitely a good stepping stone for building my self-confidence level and helping me realize that someone would love me as I'd been told numerous times before that no one would ever love me. Which brings me to the one I'm with now and I definitely think he could be 'the one'. Wow..I just admitted that. He's crazy about me, loves the girls and would give me the shirt off of his back if I needed it. I know how happy he's made me and I'm glad you're happy, too! God knows it's time. Keep posting! :)

  7. Nothing like a little fairytale-like adventure to brighten up your day....I'm so pleased you are finding happiness.