Friday, July 3, 2009


My Dad has yet another surgery in just about 6 hours, but I had a long discussion tonight with one of my best friends and felt inspired to come and write about it.

I've talked before about the importance of friendship in my life. Lately, I have been so humbled by these friendships; and with this whole 4 month long crisis with my father going on and on and on, I have to really sit back and wonder how the hell I have gotten through it.

Let me tell you about my friends.

First there was J. She and I have the same profession, and technically might be considered "competition". We were casual friends because of our careers and kept in touch because of it. J was there with me when my youngest daughter was born, only 3 weeks after the "atom bomb" dropped in my marriage. I didn't realize the significance of that at the time because we weren't the friends then that we are now (she was there professionally), but I look back on that day and feel so grateful for her presence. My husband may not have given a shit about me, but at least there was one person in that room with me who loved me.

J introduced me to her group of friends during the hardest time of my life, right after my separation a year ago. These women are amazing. Each accomplished in their own right, each bringing something different and wonderful to the table. This group of friends "adopted" me in a sense, and proved their friendship to me before I even really knew much about them.

I have never been the girl with a ton of friends. I have issues stemming from childhood that make me very suspicious of women, and I have a hard time investing in friendships. Once I was on my own, I made more of an effort with this group and it was the best decision I ever made. In part because of them, every aspect of my life is fulfilled, and even in the midst of this mess with my Dad, I feel happy. I always have someone to see a movie with, I always have someone to call when I am sad, I always have someone to call when I want to laugh my ass off, I always have someone to help me with my kids if I need it, I always have someone to go with me to get drinks and dance, I always have advice from someone who has been there. So honestly, when people seem surprised that I am getting through all of this "alone"...I'm not alone. I'm less alone now than I was when I was married.

They showed up to the hospital the day of the surgery, they came to the hospital weeks after the surgery. They took me to dinner, they brought me dinners for my family, they helped with my kids, they called restaurants they knew I was at and tried to buy drinks for me and my brother. They bought me voodoo dolls in Mexico, they texted me to check on me, they called and talked me down from cliffs, they took me for asian foot massages. They invite me to eat with their families, they check on me even when they are halfway across the globe on vacations.

Their husbands even help me with "man" things around my house...I call them my surrogate husbands. :)

Another reason why I will not feel rushed into being in a relationship with a friends help fulfill so much of my life that I won't have to settle for anything less than the best for me. In the future, I refuse to be treated any less than the way my friends treat me. They have set the ultimate standard.

(I love you guys XOXOXO!!!)


  1. You truly are blessed to have such wonderful friends. Not many people can say that, myself included.

  2. wow - I'm really happy you found these wonderful friends! I know for sure there is a huge void in my life - that only close friendships could fill. But I too have NEVER been one for having any girlfriends because I am tooo lazy and don't invest any time or effort or energy in making and keeping friends. So, maybe I'll change that now thanks to your post! Isn't it cool how God always provides?

  3. Meant to comment on this the other day. I feel so privileged to be categorized as one of your best friends. You certainly are that for me. I love the friendship that we have and how it continues to get better. Meant I said in the car (even though I was trying to choke back my tears attempting to say it to you). I admire you SO much. I love how you have handled yourself through all the crap you have been through. I love your attitude and your positive energy with your kids, even on your hardest days. And I promise to be there for you as a friend, and NEVER judge. Promise. Remember that.

    Love you!

  4. Hey just thought I would drop you a comment to let you know I was thinking about you.
    I'm like you in that I have issues in my childhood preteen years that make it difficult for me to open up and trust women.

    Although I can participate and offer support through cyberspace its not quite the same as being there. However I am inspired by your group of friends and you to take a look around and open up a little and create the types of friendships that I want to have. You are right its a high standard and we deserve nothing but the best.

    Keep going great things are going to happen.