Today was D-Day.
My friend came over around noon, I managed to cart my oldest child off to a friend's house first but did end up taking my two youngest with. ("Where are we going, Mommy?" "Business stuff.")
After calamity after calamity (copy guy at copy place didn't know how to make copies, and finding the courthouse was like going on a scavenger hunt) we finally made it and piled inside. No line, no waiting, just a disinterested clerk waiting to help me create one of the biggest moments of my life.
My friend took my girls out in the hall while I waited for the papers to be processed. As she went through my paperwork, my mind drifted to the other times I had been in a courthouse. Speeding tickets, birth certificates, and then of course....getting our marriage license. I remember standing in the courthouse with him 12 years ago, us giggling and giddy, two children in love. There was an elderly couple there that congratulated us and wished us well. I had no doubt in my mind that in 50 years we would still be together, just like this couple. As my mind drifted there and that fresh memory rose in my mind, I of course began to tear up. The clerk glanced up at me, gave me a surprised look as if filing for divorce were as unemotional as paying for a speeding ticket, and then went back to her life-changing signatures.
I walked out of the room shaking, not really very sure of my emotions but just knowing that something BIG had just happened. Hugged my girls, hugged my friend, walked to the car, sat down and took a huge breath.
So it has begun. There is a 60 day wait, more paperwork, a parenting class, but the ball is rolling and it's official. I filed for divorce. Still can't wrap my head around it. Still waiting for the relief to seep in.