Thursday, July 14, 2011

Wedding Plans and an Attitude Adjustment

Less than two months to the wedding in San Francisco.

Yes. Yes that is correct. (I need CPR)

Wedding plans, however simple, are coming together. As much as I do not want to be bothered with details, there have to be a few. We're making our own playlist for the wedding and dinner and playing it on a portable ipod speaker. We've decided against a cake in SF, just for the reception back home, since the venue provides dessert along with dinner. His wedding ring just arrived, mine a few weeks ago. The reception invitations are being designed, addresses gathered.

This is really happening.

Mr. Wonderful has been living here for a few weeks now. Before he moved in, we had a conversation about how we both needed to be alert that through times of large transition, we do not do well. I have been having pretty stressful health issues that have required me to undergo a series of expensive tests, both of which scared the crap out of us both. Because I've been ill, I haven't been able to work or help, and I've been irritable. Mr. W has been supervising our house renovations, building a shed for the backyard and tiling the patio all by himself, as well as helping me with the kids and adjusting to a)being here all the time at the same time that b)the kids are home all day for summer. Add in a little pinch of wedding plans and a dash of exhaustion and you have a recipe for disaster.

We began bickering, and then I went into self-protection mode, which in turn caused him to do the same. And that is a no-win situation.

I began to retreat as I always do. Luckily, I have friends around me in the same in particular who advised me to call my therapist asap. I almost didn't. I almost just decided to run. I cannot even tell you where my mind goes when I go into this panic attack.

I sat down with my therapist and she refreshed me on everything I have learned. Do not categorize Mr. W. See him for HIM. Listen when he's upset or stressed. Do not instantly take it personally. Reflect on what he is saying. Stop "sticking up for yourself" and being defensive. Instead, be a loving partner to him so that he can in turn be the same to me.

Literally I was done with that session after a half hour. It brought me right back to where I know I need to be, I just lost sight of what is needed of me to make this relationship the success that it has always been, because I was too busy being terrified and scared and protecting myself.

I came home and things changed instantly. We have not bickered once since then, even after several situations where it could have gone down. Once I changed my attitude, his changed naturally. It's pretty mind-blowing how a simple adjustment can make such a big difference all around. We are no longer defensive of ourselves and instead working together to understand one another, the way it has been all along.

And I cannot wait to marry him and call him my husband once and for all.

Big. Huge. Sigh. Of. Relief.

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