Monday, November 9, 2009


So sorry to have been MIA. 1-There was a huge scare with my father (more later) and 2-I'm in the throes of the busy season with work.

The good thing about that is the weeks have flown by, and before I knew it I looked at the calendar and OMG MY BOYFRIEND IS HOME 3 WEEKS FROM TODAY!!!

My life is about to drastically change. The reassuring voice that can comfort me from 15,000 miles away is going to be reassuring me right in my own ear. The face that I've only seen pixelated through a web cam lens since August is going to be right in front of me to touch and kiss and feel...

I have learned so much through this process. I have learned how I communicate best, how to get out what I need to say, how to listen, how to acknowledge, how to show love to this great man. I have also gained such an appreciation for the little things. I have told him that I will never, ever take something like a kiss for granted. Every little kiss, everytime I call him when I need him and he comes right over, every dinner together, everytime we hold hands...I will cherish every second of it.

Last Monday my father's wife called my brother and I hysterical saying we needed to "get to the hospital right away and see our father". We were led to believe that this was it, the end. He had pneumonia and bacterial infections, he's lost almost 100 lbs (he's 5'11 and 135 lbs right now) and just has not improved at all. But all along, we have not expected to actually lose him. So I was in absolute shock and then total devastation when my brother called to tell me to come to the hospital. My sweet Mr. Wonderful was actually on Skype with me when I got the call, and talked me through it. I couldn't get dressed, I couldn't think, all I could do was sob hysterically. I drove to the hospital thinking this was it, it was time to say goodbye. Once I was there, I found out that my stepmother had been given misinformation and while Dad was in bad shape, this was not necessarily the end. (He has since left the hospital and been moved to a skilled nursing facility.) That? was the worst day of my entire life. I came home and felt as though I had been run over by a freight train. I got in bed at 2pm, got up once to say goodnight to my children (my mom came over and took care of them), got back in bed and didn't wake up until 8am the next morning. It took me days to feel like a normal human being again.

It makes me so happy to know that when things like this happen in the immediate future, I will have an actual arm around me, someone to come home to and just fall apart with, a chest to bury my head into, a supportive voice telling me it's all going to be ok. I know that would make my Dad happy too, to know his daughter has the support she needs, finally, to be able to make it through this impossible situation. Getting through the past 8 months of Dad's post-surgery nightmare alone has been almost impossible and I have found myself avoiding it just to stay sane. Maybe now that I will have support, I will be able to face it again a little more...visit more and be the good daughter that I want to be to him, because he deserves it.

Anyways, this is just one of many, many things that will be changing. I'm so incredibly excited for this next chapter of my life.

1 comment:

  1. I'm so glad that you have someone there to support you through this with your Dad. It does take someone to be there to take up the slack and basically be you while you visit your Dad. It is the hardest thing you will ever do. Go there and see you Dad being, well not exactly the Dad you have known all of your life. Know that he is there in spirit. I love reading your words. They help me SO much.... Three, weeks, totally Cool!!!