Pardon me for being so introspective and philosophical lately. With Mr. W gone for 12 days I have had plenty of nights to just think, and some of it has been pretty good stuff.
I'm reading a great book that I bought to help me get further in my business, called Simpleology. The basis of this book is that there is no reality, no one truth, that the world in front of us is only what our brain interprets it as, based on our beliefs and perceptions that we have developed since childhood.
This is a concept that I think I've always had a grasp of, but the author takes it further than I've ever conceptualized.
So if this is true, then we may grow up with certain beliefs about ourselves. We can't do this or we can't do that, or we have to be a certain way. For example, if you constantly think "I'm never going to have any money", then your world will morph to support this belief. Every tiny little decision you make will reflect that "reality".
It made me think hard about my own beliefs. What do I hold to be true? I know that I can run a successful business, but sometimes I think I put limits on myself as to how far I can take it or how much money could be made. Since my parents' divorce and my own divorce, I have struggled with the belief that no marriage is good, that there is something genetically wrong with me that attracts liars and cheaters, that relationships are doomed. And over and over I have found that if I am not working on changing that belief, I can cause that very situation to occur, all of my own doing.
I see the people all around me and the problems they create in their lives. My ex husband for example. He makes the same amount of money as me, yet recently had his car repossessed. He lives in a small apartment and his car payment was half what mine is. So why am I doing fine and he is in a huge financial hole? He watched his mother be financially irresponsible his entire life. Cars repossessed, credit cards maxed and never paid. He learned all of his life's beliefs from her and is now making all the same decisions she made. And cannot for the life of him understand why (the author of Simpleology calls this phenomenon insanity)
We all have that something in our lives that frustrates us that we can't figure out how to change. The secret is to look at the world as an open book with endless possibilities. It's so true that life is exactly what you make of it. There is no "can't". You are not genetically pre-disposed to being obese. You choose to make the same decisions about food that you probably watched your parents make and you believe this to be your truth. I am not genetically pre-disposed to being in bad relationships. If I'm constantly afraid that my relationship is doomed, I will see every fight, every bump in the road as THE END, all left up to my interpretation. And then I will run away before I ever give it a chance to work out.
What else do I believe about myself? I believe I should be living in a house, not an apartment, because I grew up in one. Oddly enough, the house I live in resembles my childhood home almost exactly. I believe I should be doing certain things for my children, because my mom did them. The problem there? She was a stay at home mother (amazing also at how close I am to being a stay at home mom considering I'm a single mom. But this belief causes me so much guilt.) I believe I should work out every single day so that I feel good. This belief I developed just after my divorce, and is something I was able to change myself.
So it's possible, you see, to change reality. All of us are not just assigned a place in life and doomed to follow. There are certain steps that can always be made to create a new reality, and with enough dedication, research and yes, work, we can achieve exactly what we want. We do not have to get up and go to a job we hate every single day because we think it's all we can do. We don't have to be stuck in an abusive relationship because we believe we're not worth more, or that children shouldn't have divorced parents. We don't have to be miserable or even just content. Life is just too short for that.
I work constantly to make my life better. What do I want? I want to do my job but only part of it, I'd love to have employees to do the parts I don't like. I want more money, a bigger house. I want to see the world. I want to spend the rest of my life with Mr. Wonderful, and have the happiest of relationships. I want friends around me who are honest, good, and real. I want to be an honest, good, and real friend and lover. I want to be surrounded by music and laughter and happiness. I want to live somewhere other than here, like in New York or even somewhere abroad (but don't want to uproot my children, so I'm still thinking about that). I want to be close with my children and have them never be disappointed in me.
Think about what is holding you back from what you want and what beliefs you may hold about "reality" that might be keeping you from it. It's a pretty eye opening experience.