Tuesday, August 9, 2011

One month

So much to write about, as always, so little time.

First of all, if you were to ask me ANY year what month I despise the most, it is August. Poor little August, the last month before my favorite season and time of year. August brings endless paperwork and doctors visits and school supply trips and meet the teacher, times three kids. Add in the beginning of sports season, two soccer practices beginning and uniforms to be bought, a physical due for the oldest who is beginning athletics in middle school. School clothes shopping, haircuts, last weekday sleepovers with friends, last mornings of sleeping in, last trips to the pool.

So there's the mom perspective.

On another hand, August do-or-die time for my business. It's the last chance to get everything in order, get supplies, get caught up, make decisions, set a schedule before the busiest time of year begins for me.

So there's the business owner perspective. Which is usually where it is, and isn't that enough??

Then this year, I did something SUPER FUN and decided I could handle throwing a wedding right into the mix of all that. So yeah, that has been....interesting.


In all seriousness, tomorrow marks 1 month til our wedding day in San Francisco, and we leave a month from yesterday. A month until what feels like the longest engagement of all time (only a year) is over. A month until my last name changes and the first time I will ever have a different last name from my kids. A month til I once again can claim a husband, can file taxes and check boxes as "married". A month til I once again commit myself til death do us part. This time, I know we *both* mean it.

I have absolutely no regrets. No fears. I am at total peace and other than wondering how it will all get done, I'm so happy that the day is finally arriving.

Even after spending the morning with my best friend finalizing her divorce, in the same courthouse and courtroom where I finalized my divorce so long ago, shaking from tears at the pain of it all, all over again. That experience traumatized me so deeply. I would rather die than stand up there before that smug judge all over again, crying my heart out and shaking uncontrollably as I pronounce to the legal system that my marriage is dead, and that it affects the three children I produced. No. Not doing it again. EVER.

And still, moving forward with confidence and peace. Mr. Wonderful and I may not have a perfect relationship. But we are stubborn as anyone I know in working towards getting it right. We'll never give up on each other. It's not going to be beautiful all the time, and we know that. But we know not to ever give up and to keep trying until it's back on track. That much I know.

As far as wedding plans, they're winding down. I still don't have flowers, or clothes for the kids (or Mr. Wonderful), and my dress was too big when I tried it on today. But the big details are coming together and it's going to be the most beautiful wedding, ever. And so meaningful.

A friend asked me a few days ago if it would really be all that different, being married, since we've lived together since June. Lord, yes!!! I haven't let my head go there yet...married...my husband...my new last name...vowing my commitment until my last breath...being stepdad....making the vow to the children...officially a family...

Yes, talk about a different life. I'm sure once we all get used to the new feeling and titles things will fall right back into this same groove we're in now, but is it different?

God yes.


  1. September 10th! As you celebrate ending one chapter in the book of life and beginning another, your wedding, I too will be celebrating, my birthday that same day. I'll have a drink for you and make a special toast around midnight (Pennsylvania time) for you. And I agree with you, even though you & Mr. W. are living together now, new, deeper love will be breathed into your home with your family of five after the marriage. Congrats!

  2. Even as I stood with you in the courthouse to complete my divorce yesterday, I was thrilled for you and your future with Mr. W. Love you both and so excited for you both. Can't wait to CELEBRATE October 1st!