Why is life so hard?
I'm in a bit of a rough place at the moment and needed to write out my feelings. I had a fantastic time with Mr. Wonderful in Mexico. But my emotions are out of control. To the point that I am so downright angry with myself which makes me appear to be incredibly insane. He is so patient with me. I don't know how I got so lucky. I sometimes think it will truly be amazing if I don't push him away. Why am I so determined? Why am I so needy? Am I too damaged and jaded??
I had a very bad day with work today. A day where all of my insecurities were hit and hit hard. It shook me to my core. I haven't quite been able to recover. I wish I weren't so thin skinned. I know that it's what the people closest to me like about me. But it makes functioning in a service industry where I deal with jerks who need to take their own problems out on someone else very difficult at times.
My life is so full of high highs and low lows. I'm starting to think the problem isn't life, but me. Is something wrong with me? Should I be on medication or something? Should I even be attempting all of these things I'm attempting? The relationship, the business, the house, all of it? I feel like such a failure most of the time.
I'm very tired, was blessed with a carefree lifestyle for 4 days, and knocked over the head with reality today, so I'm down. I have an eye infection with no health insurance still. My mail was stolen from my mailbox with my child support check in it. I need sleep, I need distance, I need time. I'll be ok in the morning.
I don't know if this is it at all, but I always feel incredibly down and lost when I return from having a wonderful, carefree vacation. Give yourself a few days to get acclimated to life again. I am sorry that work hit you so hard. You have been through a lot over the last couple years. Remember though that you worked hard to get where you are today. It may feel crappy every once in a while, but it also feels really good other days. Everyone goes through this. Some just react differently. Hang in there girl. You are strong and amazing.
ReplyDeleteGlad you had a good trip. I am thin skinned, too, and work in a service industry. One thing that has really helped me is force myself into a factual mindset when I am blind-sided by something. At first I had to write it down, but now it comes more natural. I think about the FACTS (not feelings) of what the other person is saying and the facts of my response. Upon looking at the facts, I allow myself to admit and apologize for the things that I could have done better. I create an action plan for those items and move on, instead of dwelling on them. It is truly amazing how it has changed my work life as well as my ability to manage my personal insecurities.
ReplyDeleteJust yesterday, I created a fire storm because I sent an email to a client that was misinterpreted. There was yelling and screaming and anger. Historically, I would have broken down (and I will admit I still cried a little at the initial yelling). Instead, I listened and focused on the facts. I was then able to say "I understand what you are saying. I apologize that my email was not worded in the best way. Hopefully you now understand my intention. You are an important client. How can we make sure that this doesn't happen again?" We agreed on a plan and have both moved on without dwelling.
Danielle i definetly think that was a catalyst, but I felt this way on vacation too. Thank you for your words of support, always.
ReplyDeleteJen this is very, very helpful, Thank you so much for sharing this with me. I am definetly going to be using it!!
ME
You are very welcome! I do hope it helps you as much as it has me. The key for me has been not trying to defend myself on every little thing. I work hard to pick the big fact out of what someone is upset about (because they invariably end up going into a litany of things). Then just admit to it, try not to do it again and move on. No big explanations needed. I'm still not perfect but I am infinitely more confident now in tough situations. And I love not feeling beat down after a bad day. We are all human and make mistakes (or could simply just do some things better!).
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