Why is life so hard?
I'm in a bit of a rough place at the moment and needed to write out my feelings. I had a fantastic time with Mr. Wonderful in Mexico. But my emotions are out of control. To the point that I am so downright angry with myself which makes me appear to be incredibly insane. He is so patient with me. I don't know how I got so lucky. I sometimes think it will truly be amazing if I don't push him away. Why am I so determined? Why am I so needy? Am I too damaged and jaded??
I had a very bad day with work today. A day where all of my insecurities were hit and hit hard. It shook me to my core. I haven't quite been able to recover. I wish I weren't so thin skinned. I know that it's what the people closest to me like about me. But it makes functioning in a service industry where I deal with jerks who need to take their own problems out on someone else very difficult at times.
My life is so full of high highs and low lows. I'm starting to think the problem isn't life, but me. Is something wrong with me? Should I be on medication or something? Should I even be attempting all of these things I'm attempting? The relationship, the business, the house, all of it? I feel like such a failure most of the time.
I'm very tired, was blessed with a carefree lifestyle for 4 days, and knocked over the head with reality today, so I'm down. I have an eye infection with no health insurance still. My mail was stolen from my mailbox with my child support check in it. I need sleep, I need distance, I need time. I'll be ok in the morning.