To say that this time of reflection has been helpful would be a great understatement.
It's truly amazing what just a short time of introspection can do for a person.
Last week, I spent the entire weekend with my girlfriends and myself. I read books, I partied, I laughed, I came home at 5am, I ate, I worked out, I sat my butt on my couch and watched a movie. I remembered what it felt like to be alone...not lonely, just alone... and got back in touch with that kick-ass independent 30 something woman, locked her up so she couldn't go anywhere again. And I was able to re-connect with that feeling all week, with or without kids or Mr. Wonderful or friends around. Anytime the "neediness" feeling arose, I remembered that feeling...I conjured it up...and the neediness dissipated like that. I can do anything by myself...and sometimes...it's preferable.
This weekend was my weekend with the kids. Lately I have been hearing so much about Daddy this and Daddy that and they miss Daddy, and while I am seriously so glad they are close with him, I would be lying if I said it didn't scare me that lately, they seem to prefer him. This weekend was all about focusing all my energy on connecting with my three babies. We had the greatest weekend full of laughing and chasing and telling jokes and friends over and movies (my oldest let me sit with him and his friend at the movie!!! That has not happened in like, FOREVER), we told secrets, we played outdoors. I did not sit on the sidelines this weekend and observe my children while distracted with work or friends or boyfriend or anything else. I participated. I swang on the swing. I left my phone off. I raced them to the tree. I kicked the ball. I held them when they asked, hugged them when they let me, told them I loved them at every opportunity. They responded and we all felt like our little team again, me and the kids. I love our little team so much. And we needed this connection desperately.
And so tonight while I make the seemingly endless lunches and do the seemingly endless dishes and do the seemingly endless laundry, I'm smiling endlessly as well. I'm going to get this, I just know it.