I just read a blog post by someone, who I think was well-meaning, about a friend who is going through a divorce. It was sort of posted under the guise of "I'm concerned" but the underlying tone was "They're not trying hard enough and it will never happen to me."
Because just recently, I was on the receiving end of this same judgement by an old "friend", it really zinged me, and rather than leaving a long ranting comment on their blog sure to start an argument, I decided to come here and get it out.
I grew up in an extremely religious household, southern Baptist. I was always told by my parents that divorce was wrong and they didn't believe in it. All of my life. Yet my parents were miserable with each other; there were affairs, there was tension, there was humiliation, and there was ALWAYS something missing. I just thought that this was how life was, because I didn't know any better. My parents divorced finally after 30 years of marriage, after I myself had been married for 8 or 9 years and had 2 kids. Both married again and both are extremely happy with their new spouses.
My marriage was almost an exact copy of my parent's marriage. It was acceptable to me because I thought that this was the way marriage was, this was the way life was supposed to be. My kids, I can see now, felt the tension and were on their way to having this way of life engrained in their little heads. WHY would I want this for them, and not the life I described in my last post, when I LOVE them????
Yes, the initial break up was very hard on them. Getting used to a new routine took some time. But now?? My kids are HAPPY. Well-adjusted. My son who is a gifted student and had been making C's brought his grades up to straight A's. My children live in a house free of tension, free of negativity; it is now the way it is supposed to be, full of love and support. But I don't have to tell you guys this because I write about it all the time. Mommy is happy, and now everyone else is too.
My problem with this particular blog was the use of God's name to judge those who divorce. Because what I really think happens is that people get scared, insecure about their own marriages and comfort themselves by saying "They didn't pray hard enough" "They didn't work on it hard enough" or whatever the case may be. It is people like this who have given divorced people the stereotype that exists. We just didn't try hard enough. We are not Godly. We are selfish. We don't care about our kids.
Before you make dangerous and hurtful accusations about someone else's life, ask yourself- Have you been in their marriages? Have you lived their lives, walked in their shoes? How in the world can you know what is best for anyone else but yourself? Doesn't the Bible that you are quoting from say "Judge lest ye be judged?"
I could go on and on but I think I will stop, point made, feel better, over now.