All is Well

He left to go back overseas on Saturday.

We spent every single waking (and non-waking) moment together for the 6 day reprieve that we got from his cancelled flight.

We talked all night, all day. I feel as if I've always known him. He feels the same about me.

He printed up a list of questions he found online, "86 questions to ask someone on a first date". After less than 3 weeks, we found he already knew the answers to most of them.

I swore to my friends that there was no one out there for me. That I would hold everyone from here on out at arm's length. That I'd never trust again. That no one would be right for me because of all my stipulations and baggage.

And yet here he is. Placed in my life as if by a force greater than us.

I'm not dillusional. I have my head on straight. I am being super analytical. Watching for red flags and such. I've talked through any thing I've seen with him. He has assured me that I am not crazy. We have found each other...this is for real.

On Saturday, I drove him to the airport. We stood in the terminal holding onto each other for an hour before he finally had to go through security and head back. We talked about how we were going to make this work. How it would make us stronger...sharpen our communication skills, give both of us time to think things through and tie up loose ends. And then he looked at me and said "It's time." Until that point, I had my thoughts together, I had control of my emotions. Those words left his lips and I lost it. Started not only crying, but sobbing. Yes it is temporary. But here I found something AMAZING, someone who I never thought could even exist...and he is leaving to go halfway across the world. As far away as you can get without coming back closer.

I cried. He reassured me that we would be ok. That I was strong and independent and a whole and complete person without him, and that I'd be fine. That this was good for us. I knew it all to be true, but I couldn't stop the tears. Then the sobs. He walked through security. Walked over to kiss me. Got to the other side, blew me a kiss, and that was the last I saw of him. The next time I see him in person, it will be cold outside, and Christmas decor will surround us.

Where does that leave me??? I am being very honest here because this blog is here to help me. I will go on some dates. I've already had some guys I've been in contact with in the past call and/or email me. I'm gonna go through with it. But I don't want to.

The struggle here for me, and even for some of my friends: I need to find a balance between doing what I need to do, and figuring out WHY I even need to do it in the first place, and not losing the best thing that's come along. Ever. There are details I'll never go into because they're so sacred. This man thinks I am amazing, and that is mutual. He sees ME, the real me. He brings out my best. He has my children's best interest in mind. He is willing to forego having his own children for their sake and mine. He has his own admirable goals and dreams, and is already following through on his plans. He's smart. He's funny. He's devoted to his family and friends. How often does this happen?? I'm walking a fine line between being "realistic" and smart, and hanging on to something so obviously amazing and meant to be. It's tough. The realist in me is battling the romantic in me. Who will win....