Friday, September 4, 2009

It Ain't Easy.

It's amazing how naive one can be when one is madly in love.

My last post was just the tip of the iceberg.

I have been picking fights with Mr. Wonderful. Like. MAD.

I knew I was doing it. I knew it was my fault and that he was still being Wonderful. I called myself crazy and insane the minute we would hang up. Luckily, I was sane enough to call my girlfriends and say "WHY AM I DOING THIS TO MYSELF!!!"

And of course, being the AMAZING friends that they are, they offered me the insight I needed to get through this and be forgiving of myself.

Mr. Wonderful kept telling me "I make you cry all the time and upset. Are you sure you want this?"

And I told myself...if not him...then WHO???? Because he is the absolute definition of the PERFECT man for me. Should I just be alone forever? Maybe I am too screwed up to be in a relationship with someone so amazing?

But then my friends pointed out that Hey...someone else told me not only that he loved me and would never leave me, but he stood in front of a church in front of all of our friends and family, had three kids with me, and promised. And look how that turned out. Mr. Wonderful is the first real relationship after this heartbreak. Of course I'm going to freak out. Of course I'm going to be scared!

Ideally, there probably should have been a couple of trial run relationships to figure this all out on. But we're together now and he's the one I want, so we have to figure this out.

As I mentioned in the last post, I am incredibly lucky that he is willing to be so patient with me and my freakouts. And everytime he does, it helps me trust him a little more. I freak out, and he reassures me that he loves me and will never leave me, he sends me flowers, he sends me messages reassuring me of his love. It's like he's read a manual on divorced women or something...

Another friend who has been divorced and remarried went through the exact same thing with her new husband. It has done wonders for me to not only know and understand where this is coming from, but to know I'm not alone.

While I'm sure this won't be the last freakout, I do feel very empowered now with the knowledge of what is happening and how to handle it, and also just knowing he will stick with me through them. I think it's all gonna be ok.


  1. You are going to be just fine my friend. It will all only get better from here. Love you!

  2. Anonymous again.....this is so totally normal. You are not only learning to trust others but yourself.

    And you are setting new boundaries for others and yourself. I learned to stand up for myself and speak my mind. Took me (still learning) months to realize that I didn't have to fight to get my voice heard and appreciated.

    This too shall pass. Stay honest with yourself. Is it the guy or the idea of having a great guy that loves me?? There are plenty of great guys out there.

    I still find myself picking fights just to be reassured that this is really real and he does love me and I dont have to worry and fret if he is going to leave me. This is the real thing.

    We have been married almost 2 years. I'll let you know when I fully relax and let go. But I will tell you, life with a great man is phenominal!!

  3. you know what, I totally have done that, sometimes we may tend to subconsciously sabatoge something that is good, out of fear...I've been with my guy over a year and we live together, with my two little girls. It's been amazing. But last night, I was in tears over a conversation that wasn't necessarily a bad one, but it was emotional for me and he grabbed me and goes, "whatever you are afraid of, I'm not leaving this, ever!" And I realized that I was afraid that one day something might make him just up and leave. Considering we have no issues, it's silly to project this fear of the future! It's just plain scary to trust ourselves sometimes, much less the other person!