I went to the airport Sunday night to pick him up. I got there about half an hour before he actually came off the plane. That 30 minutes felt longer than the entire 4 months. The anticipation was insane. Every person who walked through the revolving doors, my heart stopped.
And then there he was...just like I remembered him and nothing like I remembered him, giant smile on his face. It felt like he was walking towards me in slow motion, so I think I made my way straight to him. Kissed him for the first time in four very long months, embraced each other long and hard. It was everything I dreamt it would be.
I don't know how to describe what I have been feeling the past couple of days since he got back. I have tried to explain it to him, thinking maybe he was experiencing the same "surrealness" that I have been. My mind hasn't quite wrapped around the fact that this is the same man I have been talking to everyday for the past 4 months, although it does recognize him as the man I was with for 3 amazing weeks this summer. So I'm finding myself a little more guarded than I thought I would be, a little more reserved, although at moments that are coming more and more each day, that is melting away. It's a hard thing to explain, and I wonder if military wives know what I am talking about.
For one thing, there aren't emails twice a day anymore, which means less verbal communication. I wonder a lot what is going on in his head because I'm used to having a written run-down. When we're together we're just that, together....which is great, but there's nothing forcing us to talk about things. He's quiet by nature and this is taking some getting used to for me.
We're also trying to get on the same page regarding boundaries and expectations. We both knew this would be an issue for us when he returned, and it will definetly take some time to work out our schedules, just like it did when he first went back to Afghanistan.
But for the most part, we're having the time of our lives, getting to know each other all over again. I find myself staring at him constantly, trying to memorize his facial features and the way he feels. My mind is still in "OMG-HE-IS-HERE" mode, and it's hard not to want to just drink him up every second after doing without his physical presence for so long.
This is all after just a couple of days being together, I'll be anxious to see what transpires over the next month or so and we get into more of a routine. Hopefully my "neediness" will subside once I wrap my head around the fact that he is not going anywhere.
In the meantime I just have to focus on living my life the best I can and fitting him into it the way I fit the other aspects in that I love. I need to live a balanced life full of a little bit of everything that makes me happy.