My Resolutions

I have to admit that this is the first time I've actually thought about my New Year's resolutions for 2010, mostly because I haven't had time to sit and breathe (I shouldn't even be doing this now)

But almost every goal I set for myself last year, I managed to keep up with and accomplish, so I feel it's really important for me to set those goals. This year is going to be more about maintaining the change and keeping the drama low more than anything. I just want peace and quiet for a good long while.

So here are the resolutions for each aspect of my life

1-Motherhood: Last year was spent concentrating on me, me and more me. It needed to be done, it was the first step in creating a happy home for my children...they needed a happy mom. It was me taking the oxygen from the oxygen mask first, and then assisting my children with theirs, just like they tell you on an airplane. Well, it's time to concentrate on them. Yes, I have them all in counseling and have been seriously doing the best I can. But it's time to buckle down, put down the iPhone, make sure each of them are getting one on one time with me, make sure their emotional needs are all being met, and that I am raising them the way I have always wanted to. We have been in survival mode for a long time around here. It's time to nurture them, mold them, work on building their character for the future. I need to concentrate on being the best mom I can be this year.

2-Love: My main goal for my relationship is to just get through it without flopping too badly on my face. I am all over the place. One minute, I am intoxicated and passionate and and could never picture life without Mr. Wonderful, the next I am freaked out and wondering if I really ever want to live with anyone again and do I *really* believe in marriage??? I get so so scared, so easily. I am so scared to take risks, that sometimes it sounds easier to just be alone for the rest of my life than to take a chance with a man who has been nothing but amazing. I start questioning EVERYTHING so much that I seriously told my own brain to just SHUT UP tonight. "Oh sure it's so incredible now, but just wait til you've been together FOREVER and all he wants is someone different and thinks you're naggy and can't stand to be near you and then what if he starts looking around for someone else, it happens to everyone" blah blah blah blah blah. I've even told myself that no man will ever come to appreciate me and what I offer without losing me first, I seriously heard that in my head today after having a conversation with The Ex. I've got to find a way to conquer these fears and this baggage that come from the person you trust most in the world betraying you in the worst way possible.....because I will end up talking myself into being alone forever, and I do not want that. But GAH...to think of it. What a risk, right?????

3-Career: I want to get BETTER at my job. Again, the theme of the past year has just been survival. I have not done my best work, I haven't branched out, I haven't pushed myself or followed any dreams. I spent the last year just trying to make it through without losing my business, and I did that. This year, I want to love my work again....I want to push myself to do the best work I'm capable of, and try things I've always wanted to try. I want to get organized and stop feeling like I'm always a step behind.

4-Health: Last January, I started eating right and exercising, lost 30 lbs, and have kept it off since then. In September after a long hiatus from working out after my Dad's surgery, I returned to the gym and began running and weightlifting. I have actual definition in my arms and legs, I'm smaller than I have been since high school, and I actually like how I look. Most of all, I feel amazing and healthy and strong, I feel in control, and you know sometimes I even feel beautiful. This year I just want to make that all keep going. I want to lose more fat and keep defining my muscle, I want to continue eating food that makes me feel good. I want to keep challenging myself. The biggest thing I need to change is to stop drinking diet soda. It is definetly my weakness and keeps me from drinking all the water I should. Other than that, I've been doing pretty well in the health department, and it feels really good to be able to say that for the first January in years.

5-Friendship: Anyone who reads this blog knows I have the most amazing friends ever. Sometimes I wonder why they stick with me, I need them SO MUCH and rarely have the time or the ability to help back. I don't call or reach out, not because I don't love them or don't think of them, just that I usually have three kids screaming and yelling in the background when I think of them or when they call me. This year, I really want to give back to those who helped me so much, whenever I can. No I can't always show up to someone's house with my 3 kids and help with things, but maybe I'll try and pick up the phone more when I have a quiet moment, or send texts or emails checking in. I really want to show them how much I love them and how much they mean to me, that will be a major priority for me this year.

6-General:

I want to hear a ton of live music and concerts. I want to find new bands/artists and fall in love with them. I want to experience more of my city, including it's art, restaurants, music, food, celebrations, and nightlife. I want to travel to new places I've never been. I want to get this old, 1980's-everything house updated. I want to stay on top of my responsibilities and not always feel behind. I want to finally get my son his braces and my daughter her bedroom. I want to make more money. I want to get to bed on time and get plenty of sleep each night. I want to get my youngest daughter out of my bed and into her own. I want to throw away every single piece of clutter in this house and live simply. (That, of course, may involve finally speaking with a doctor about my adult ADD). I want to get my nails/hair/etc done regularly with set appointments so I don't put it off. I want to always look and feel my best. I want to teach my kids to always look and feel their best.

Most of all, I just want to continue everything I learned last year and keep on with it, making it a new way of life rather than an experiment.