January SUCKS.
It's cold and icky, it's right after the holidays, and a big giant reality check, right up the backside of the head. No more days off work, no more Christmas trees or lights or presents or visits to Santa, no more awesomely fattening food and skipping the gym.
I've had a pretty crappy weekend. I get seriously overwhelmed the weeks that I have my kids all weekend alone, particulary on Sunday night, when the weight of all that I have to do really sits hard on me. Any playtime I take with the kids over the weekend I must pay dearly for on Sunday evening, when I have to plan meals, buy groceries, do the dishes, pick up the house, get together clothes for the week and wash them, and make lunches, for 4 of us. Not to mention any work that may need to be prepped for the next morning. It's completely exhausting. By about midnight Sunday night, I'm usually finally crawling into bed, facing a week of a 3 year old who won't sleep in her bed, a business that is run by me and clients who are waiting for me to get my ass in gear, school papers to go through and sign, homework to help with, an ex husband who is constantly causing drama, and a relationship that needs my attention. It's about this time that I begin cursing single motherhood. This job, especially with this many children, was just not meant to be done alone. I'm too exhausted to raise this family AND support it financially.
So this past Sunday night I was feeling so down, depressed, exhausted, unloved, and unappreciated. I didn't know how to get through this night, much less the rest of January.
I thought back to the times when I have been the happiest. I texted my friend and pleaded her to throw one of her infamous GNO's. The kind where we dress to the 9's and hit the town, laugh til our sides hurt, drink fruity cocktails and eat mouth watering food. In a matter of an evening, a night was planned for just a few weeks away with all of the women that I love and adore (minus one who will have a newborn!) and just like that, the depression and exhaustion had disappeared.
Just a reminder to me that I need to keep my focus ahead and on the people and things and experiences that bring me joy. If they can get me through the roughest patches of my life, surely they can get me through Sunday night.
Love you D! And you know I do to agree to a "fun and flirty" night out. :)
ReplyDeleteIt is amazing what a good GNO can do for the soul.
ReplyDeleteyou so perfectly described how i feel so often! i only have one child, but doing it all alone and supporting the family financially is exhausting -- physically and emotionally.
ReplyDeleteThat's one reason i never understand those married moms who say they feel like single moms because their husbands are never home and i always think -- you have no idea what it's like to be a single mom until you do all you do and have to pay for everything yourself too.