Sorry for my long absence. I have had to both mentally and physically step away from the situation with my father. After yet another round of bad news, I think I had a bit of a nervous breakdown. I've gone two weeks with only a couple of visits to the hospital and only minimal contact with Dad's wife for news. I also got all my health issues checked out, started multiple medications, and sort of "hunkered down" with my kids. I can honestly say that it worked, the combination of it all. I feel human again for the first time in 2 months (when this whole ordeal began). I feel tremendous guilt for not visiting more often. But when I put myself in my father's place, I know he wouldn't want me to be suffering to this extreme, he especially wouldn't want it for my kids.
And so I take babysteps back into my life, the life that made me so happy before all of this began: me as a strong independent woman who can get through ANYTHING without a man, surrounded by the friends who I love, and especially by my children who are EVERYTHING.