I may actually be getting the hang of this whole being alone thing (as in, without my kids when they are with their dad)
This entire week I filled up my alone time with dinners, lunches, and movies with friends. Normally by Sunday I feel so alone and in my own head that I can hardly function. Today I feel refreshed, loved, and even a little happy!
Last night a close friend and I got all dressed up and hit the town. It has been so long since I have been on the scene around here that I had to get another uber-cool friend to tell me everywhere to go, and she was dead on. We ate at a restaurant that has such a huge word of mouth following that at 6pm there was already a 2.5 hour wait (thus our reason for eating at the bar). Great cocktails, fun conversation, good food. And then, also prompted by my in-the-know friend, we hit a bar uptown. Since we are "old" we actually got there at 8:30 and found a table to sit at. By around 10 the place was full of people and it was a fun atmosphere.
I hadn't actually sat down and chatted with this particular friend since my separation and it was nice to have an outlet. She and her husband were our closest "couple" friends before we separated, and I was definetly worried about losing them. After last night I am reassured that that will not happen and I am so relieved.
Since we were in a little table in the corner we could safely check out all of the guys coming in and out, and after a few cocktails I even found myself talking to a couple of them (although as I have said before, I wasn't remotely interested--just felt good to realize that the male species may still be interested in me after all these years. I even tested one by telling him I had three kids, and he didn't get up and run from the table like I thought he would. It didn't seem to phase him)
And then I jammed to my favorite CD the whole way home and fell into bed alone, but a happy girl. A nice counter to the way I was feeling only the day before!
Speaking of the day before, after the online incident, I was forced to see my husband the next morning (yesterday morning, before I went out) at my daughter's soccer game. Not only him, but his mother too. During the game I at least had my dad and stepmother in between us, but afterwards, my daughter wanted us to all go eat breakfast together, and somehow I ended up sitting directly across from my husband. It is so easy, in his presence, to forget all the wrong he has done me. Something about the familiarity of being with him, it seems almost impossible that it could have been him hurting me. I kept having to remind myself of the venom he had posted about our relationship just a day earlier. I have to force myself to be angry at him. Is that weird?????
His mother even made a comment to me at breakfast about how I should join this weight loss program with her. Now, I'm not big...and I've lost 12 lbs in the last 2 weeks anyways, but only in an effort to be "hot". I don't have much more to go before I'm my teenage size again. But I'm used to comments like this from her and from her family. Not just weight loss, but anything negative. It's like they all project their insecurities onto everyone around them. I just nodded my head politely, and my Dad's wife looked appalled and spoke up--"She is ALREADY too thin, don't you dare sign her up for that!!!" Maybe someday I will be at a place where I don't have to have other people stick up for me, and I will be able to do it myself. Another goal to add to the list!!!