Got some sleep last night and then more today, am starting to feel a bit "normalized" again, as much as I can I guess.
Isn't life crazy? It's amazing how fragile we all are as human beings, yet how strong we can be as spiritual beings. It boggles the mind.
This weekend, of all weekends, I had agreed to keep the kids all three days (we usually split the weekend). My husband has a friend in town and they are going to see a concert tomorrow evening.
Funny story, actually. The concert they are seeing together is the Farewell concert of the band that he and I used to follow together. It was the best point of our marriage, actually. For once we both loved the same music and would go to every show together. The band announced their breakup at about the same time we separated. And if that isn't fitting enough, he is attending the Farewell Concert without me.
He sent me an email today saying how he knew how hard this must be for me, to be going through all of this with my Dad in the midst of our separation. It was a glimpse of the "old" him, the one who cared enough to think about my feelings and my needs. It was hard to read. I think he may be one of the only people who understands how much I need him right now, the only person who truly knows how much I adore my Dad and how much this must hurt. I just want someone to hold me and to and tell me it's all going to be ok, and it can't be him, and it can't be anyone else.
Damn this is hard. It is taking everything in my power not to fall down into that deep well of depression, where life seems so overwhelming that you just don't think you can take it. I feel like I JUST got through scaling the depths of that well and was just starting to see the light, as you can probably see by my previous posts. I know I'll get through this too, I just don't understand why this all has to be so damned hard.