So the answer to my last blog post: Can I Do This Now? is no.
I have been thinking and thinking about it. Today we got word that my Dad is going to be able to have surgery, and it's a very serious operation, and we now have a timeline of about a month. So WILL I file? Yes. NOW? No.
I have just got to get through this first. Meeting with the financial advisor just showed me exactly how tough and emotional this is going to be. I can put off filing for one more month, I can't put off dealing with Dad's surgery...
This also gives me time to mentally prepare myself for what I'll be doing. It gives me time to accept that it's over and grieve what might have been and what will never be.
As emotional as the other day was, I think it was necessary. Kind of like the eulogy I mentioned, just saying goodbye. It's better for this all to come up now rather than years down the road.
My therapist joked to me tonight "You must have been a real asshole in your past life" when we were discussing all that has been going on. It's true, it's almost as if I've angered the heavens or something.
But I also know that hopefully one day I will be able to look back on this time in my life with fondness and a different perspective. I know I will be in a better place without my husband, so life is going to get better once it stops hurting so much. I am cautiously optimistic about my dad's surgery (will feel better once it is over and he is home with no giant brain tumor and no complications).
I'm trying to plan a girl's night out for V-Day. Not only is it my husband's night with my kids, but he is taking them out of town to visit family. I'll have a little Valentine Dinner with them on Friday night before they leave, maybe even let all three of them sleep in my bed that night... and then Saturday night my girls and I will get dolled up and hit the town. Here's a cute article someone sent me on why it's good to be single on Valentine's Day (I love it, it changed my perspective on it, especially the part about not having to listen to someone complain about Valentine's being a commercial holiday)
Saturday during the day I'll be shopping for a new bedspread. Baby steps.