Thursday, February 5, 2009

The Answer

So the answer to my last blog post: Can I Do This Now? is no.

I have been thinking and thinking about it. Today we got word that my Dad is going to be able to have surgery, and it's a very serious operation, and we now have a timeline of about a month. So WILL I file? Yes. NOW? No.

I have just got to get through this first. Meeting with the financial advisor just showed me exactly how tough and emotional this is going to be. I can put off filing for one more month, I can't put off dealing with Dad's surgery...

This also gives me time to mentally prepare myself for what I'll be doing. It gives me time to accept that it's over and grieve what might have been and what will never be.

As emotional as the other day was, I think it was necessary. Kind of like the eulogy I mentioned, just saying goodbye. It's better for this all to come up now rather than years down the road.

My therapist joked to me tonight "You must have been a real asshole in your past life" when we were discussing all that has been going on. It's true, it's almost as if I've angered the heavens or something.

But I also know that hopefully one day I will be able to look back on this time in my life with fondness and a different perspective. I know I will be in a better place without my husband, so life is going to get better once it stops hurting so much. I am cautiously optimistic about my dad's surgery (will feel better once it is over and he is home with no giant brain tumor and no complications).

I'm trying to plan a girl's night out for V-Day. Not only is it my husband's night with my kids, but he is taking them out of town to visit family. I'll have a little Valentine Dinner with them on Friday night before they leave, maybe even let all three of them sleep in my bed that night... and then Saturday night my girls and I will get dolled up and hit the town. Here's a cute article someone sent me on why it's good to be single on Valentine's Day (I love it, it changed my perspective on it, especially the part about not having to listen to someone complain about Valentine's being a commercial holiday)

Saturday during the day I'll be shopping for a new bedspread. Baby steps.


  1. Good for you for looking deep, deciding what is best for right now and making a plan to follow thorough. Baby steps is right! That's what leads us into the future... ;)

    Big Hugs...........

  2. I'm a lurker and have been reading for the last few weeks. I just wanted to say it sounds like you have made the right decision and that you need to focus on your dad right now. I also just wanted to add that about 10 years ago, my older brother, who was in his mid 30s, had a brain tumor. I won't tell you that it's the same or that his results mean anything for your dad. But I know how scared you are because I remember feeling the same way. You are doing the right thing to seek out the best surgeon to do the surgery. I learned that every brain tumor is different and every great surgeon has his or her own niche. You are lucky to be in such a big city -- my brother went from Ohio to UCLA Medical Center for his surgery. And I'll tell you the ending of the story: he just turned 47 and has a 6 year old and an 8 year old. There are no residual effects of the horror that he went through 10 years ago -- it's just a scary memory for all of us. I hope one day you can say the same about your dad's tumor.

  3. Anonymous, that is so encouraging...that is the result this surgeon is hoping for, no residual effects and a complete recovery. It's amazing what they can do, isn't it? Thank you for sharing that with me.

  4. Thanks for having me on your Blogroll! I love the theme here... that you're seeking YOU!!

    I'm working on a piece about how to say "No" to Valentine's Day -- in a positive way -- so thanks for that link from!

    My Dad is going through some serious health stuff, too, so I hear you...